Tied to a Railroad Track

I can not get the thought out of my head that I have Parkinson’s.  It is always there.  I can try to keep busy and do other things but PD is always there like a specter.  I was at a train exhibit last Thursday and went on a train ride.  Sitting there I leaned my chin on my hand as I looked out the window.  My hand started to shake.  “I’m here!  I am coming to get you.”

I feel like I am tied up and laying on the tracks.  I can not get away and off in the distance I hear a distant train whistle.  The ground beneath me shakes just a little bit but it is enough to tell me that the train is coming closer.  Sooner or later I will see it racing towards me.  Sooner or later it will run me over.

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Something is just not right

There is nothing special about me.  I am just like you, your neighbor, your spouse or anyone else in the world.  I am a 59 year old man who is in pretty good health.  I have never smoked, don’t drink and never did drugs.  I don’t like taking prescription drugs even but when needed I am faithful to take what is needed.

In December 2010 I had a disk in my lower back pinch my sciatic nerve.  I was in a lot of pain and thankfully I could go to the VA hospital.  My right leg now has some numbness and that will probably be permanent.  Besides that, I am perfectly healthy.

I couldn’t work because of my leg.  I couldn’t stand for long periods of time so I started volunteering at a non-profit ministry.  During this time I was having trouble sleeping.  I would lay in bed and feel anxious.  I decided to go to the VA to see if they could help.  They decided to put me on some medication.  It helped but soon I noticed my left hand would shake when I picked up things.  It didn’t take long and it was getting worse.

I went again to the VA and they took me off that med and decided to put me on some blood pressure medication.  They thought the med might be causing the problem but after a month, my shaking didn’t change.  I was sent to a Neurologist who did some test and told me what I would have sworn would never happen to me.  “You have Parkinson’s Disease.”

I am at the beginning stages of Parkinson’s.  I don’t have any trouble with balance and my right hand does not tremble like my left hand does.  I know I might not have symptoms show up for a long time and I hope then never do get worse.  I pray for a miracle and God cures me.  I am a Christian and I know God can do it.  I trust Him and I want to let Him have control of my life including this, but I still can not shake the thought of me having this disease.  It is always there in the back of my mind.  I keep looking for new symptoms.  Something else that is changing.  A part of my body that is no longer completely under my control.

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